3/6/11

Sacrifice, Ritual and Fire

What's more important, your career or your love interest?

It's easy for me to say my relationship with my husband is more important than a career. I've always had a hippie mentality and feel that love rules. I care about success but know that my happiness stems from social interaction, intellectual stimulation, good food and a comfortable environment. I am ambitious. I am hard working. I need a certain amount of money to facilitate the social activities, food purchases and environment that I desire. But would I give up on a good relationship with someone I loved for a significant career gain. No.

That means I'm willing to make sacrifices for my marriage. I am. Is that because I am a women? Are women in general more willing to make sacrifices for their loved ones? Do women tend to follow their men in their job pursuits? I would like to think that we compromise and I know that in my case we do. I think we are in our current location because of my job and preferences rather than my husband's. I believe that love is justifiable cause for moving to a new place and that above all else being together is what matters. But how do you reconcile a drive for career success with the need for significant companionship? It's not easy I guess, but I've never found the choice difficult to make. I know this is not the case for all of my friends unfortunately.

One thing that my love life and professional life have in common is ritual. Sitting at the dinner table engrossed in post meal conversation and storytelling makes for a superb end to any day. Making a cup of tea and sorting through email establishes calm and order at the beginning of  the work day, which is likely to be busy and demanding. Where are the rituals in our modern lives? Grooming? Spa treatments? Weddings, funerals, birthdays, religious holidays, vacations, thanksgiving....Maybe these are our contemporary rituals.

Fire still plays a role in many of these rituals. Fireplaces are lit for Christmas. Candles flare on cakes. Menorahs are lit. I don't think there is quite enough fire though. I do worry about the pollution caused by wood fires but I so enjoy a camp fire. So much so that I drink what I've dubbed "camp fire tea," better known as lapsong souchong, a black tea with a very smoky aroma. It's supposedly dried over a fire. Historically it was tea that absorbed the flavors of the fire during it's camel-back journey on the silk road. The flavor became in favor and the leaves were thus purposely dried by fire. Thanks to The Tao of Tea in Portland, Oregon for introducing me to this delicious drink.

Maybe we could all use a little more fire in our lives.

Come on baby light my fire.


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